In chaos theory the butterfly effect is one act having catastrophic ramifications on the end result. I have simplified this to the point I am sure some mathematician when reading this will curl up and rock and forth for self soothing.
To think how one decision/act can change the course of a day, year, life, and even the world is stunning. I have long wondered what we have lost by the many American lives that were lost in Vietnam. How many artists, future fathers, politicians, pharmacists, teachers, designers, builders, donors, and influencers did we lose? What was missed by not having one of those young men smile at someone on the street to put a little more pep in their step? What did we miss by not seeing a painting that made people think of life in a different way? What is absent from our lives because a teacher wasn’t there to make a difference in sculpting a young life?
I think of the tear in the fabric of life when 50 lives were lost to us in a matter of hours in Orlando. How many influencers were lost to the world? Family and friends feel the hole left in their lives as no one, except someone who has had a similar loss, will be able to understand. Outside of the family and friends, what would one of the fifty have done to change just one life?
In the loss of my daughter I have learned what she meant to her family, friends, peers, and teachers. There are stories I have heard I am sure I would not normally have heard because she was here. There was no need to share because we all still had her in our lives. I have learned my child was a study taskmaster with her friends and she was also the same one to make them stop studying to party and enjoy life. I learned she gave strength and became a person people could count on. She excelled in her studies and her professors took notice. They took notice not just because of her studies but also the smile she would bring to class. I was told of the little things she did to make difference – be it a box of favorite donuts at someone’s doorstep, an expected trip to game to hang out with someone, an instant message to say suck it up but with smile, or saving a sandwich to hand out to a homeless person. She was so much more than just the daughter I knew.
I now think of all the stories these mothers will be told about the child they raised. Some stories will make them laugh, some cringe, some will make them cry but mostly the stories will bring comfort. The mothers will forever be left with my child would have, could have, or should have. And the world will never know what would have, could have or should have happened or been prevented from happening.
To take liberties with Aerosmith’s song – it will be for those of us left behind to ‘Dream On’.
I miss you My Puppy! Oh how I miss you.
Journey In Grief 