Journey In Grief

If last week had a theme it was music. It started with a good friend sending me a video of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water” because when she heard it she thought of me. After playing it multiple times I made sure to tell her that during this grieving process she has been a bridge for me MANY times. The next item in the theme basket was watching the show Lucifer for the first time and had to watch it twice. Once for the story line and again for the sound track. The week ended with me seeing a house which has a jukebox in the living room. How cool is that?!?!

When I started thinking about my week and how music was front and center it made me think of how music affects my life. I have a playlist that is stuck in the past and it is eclectic. James Brown, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Missy Elliott, Corinne Bailey are to name a few in my playlists. I know my playlist would make no sense to someone else but to me – it’s music to my ears. Come on – that was funny.

After listening to Like A Bridge and the thoughts of comfort it gave me thinking of my friend; I then thought of my “go to” songs in my playlist when I can’t hide or pretend the pain away from missing my Courtney Michelle. Some of the songs we discovered together and some I found after I lost her but all help to dull the pain in my heart when I listen to them. Here are some of the songs that are on a constant loop.

1. R. Kelly – I Believe I Can Fly. This was one of her favorite songs and we both love the movie Space Jam
2. John Lennon – Imagine. This song is tied to New Year’s ball drop which we both watched and sang to.
3. Louis Armstrong – What A Beautiful World. Tied to New Year’s ball drop and how could you not smile for this song?
4. Gladys Knight – Good Morning Heartache. I feel like I have carried the weight of this loss for a century.
5. John Mayer – Gravity. See above – substitute grief for gravity and this song in on point.
6. Little Mix – Wings. This song is what I taught her – have confidence in yourself.
   Dani and Lizzy – Dancing in the Sky. I hope the angels know.
7. Tedeschi Trucks Band – Midnight in Harlem. This song was introduced to me shortly after I lost Court and it resonates with me.
8. Alabama Shakes – Sound & Color. At bedtime we would each say how much we loved each other and it would end with “I love you to infinity and beyond”. For me this song is infinity and beyond.

A quote from Missy Elliott about her song Lose Control – “It’s about music, how it makes you feel, and makes you lose control.” For me it is not so much losing control but rather losing myself in the music and the moment.

I miss you My Puppy! Oh, how I miss you!